Grief

Bob Hansen passed away today. I have still not come to terms with the fact that he is gone. We saw him Christmas Day at Barb's and he was fine - his dubiously jovial self. I am increasingly coming to grips with the fact that we are not here forever. I have no desire to have anyone perform CPR on me. Apparently they worked on him twice for extended periods. It was ugly. 

I talked with Barb, Missy, Linda G____, and Katie at length today. Linda, of course, is the most pragmatic. Her mother always told her that we are merely specks of sand in life. It is true. In the grand scheme of things we only really matter to a small group of people. That group, however, sustains those who are left behind.

No plans have yet been made. Barb's family is all heading over to Jackie's house this evening. I don't feel like doing much but reflecting about everything. 

This event makes the mess that now is the United States shrink into the background, at least for awhile. I restarted my antidepressant and it will help me to get through the next few days, I believe. 

I have nothing more to say at the moment. The family is no longer whole. There is a piece missing. That piece will always be missing from now on.

Added on 3/10/25: Katie wrote this message on Facebook when she posted Bob's obituary. I think it's a wonderful and accurate description. Bob used to babysit his sisters in the 1980's and early 90's and she was just a kid, so this is written from her perspective at the time. 

"This wasn’t supposed to happen. This is so unfair and tragic. I’ll always remember Bob when I was little seeming larger than a giant, and as surly as a pirate. We were always in awe of him and sometimes downright intimidated lol! His sense of humor was like none other and he always had a smart ass comment to everything. He was super sweet really, he just always had a crunchy outer layer- but that’s exactly what we loved about him. It will never be the same without him: RIP cousin, you sure will be missed."
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