Trump - Part 2

(I had formatting problems that I couldn't clear - hence, Part 2)

He and Musk are threatening Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid. Even some of the Republican talking heads on Fox News are reacting badly to the stock market (and their stocks, I'm sure) heading downward into possible recession territory. 

I am trying not to watch the news but it's like seeing stacked dominos falling down one by one. He is putting tariffs on Mexico and Canada, talking about making Canada the 51st state, and acquiring Greenland (somehow) along with Panama. Meanwhile, he and Musk are laying off people in the government right and left. You want to look away, but you can only ignore it for so long.

On another nicer note, UTMC employees on the MVH/MCOT/MVH FB group were saying very nice things about Bob yesterday. He had been at the hospital for 30 years and had gotten to know many people in many different departments. He is missed by a large group of people.
I volunteered yesterday for the first time in a month. K______ wanted me to do something in Excel with formulas but I just don't remember enough about how to do that, and politely told her that I didn't feel comfortable updating their worksheet. It was a complex worksheet where the dietitians enter what they do daily as far as how they spend their time, and on what, in increments of 15 minutes. I am glad we never had to do anything like that in the lab. It would have been a nightmare to have to fill out on a daily basis.

Time will tell how things go in Washington, DC. Since the pandemic, the world has gotten more conservative, but the rabid reactions going on in our capital now defy explanation. It has the appearance of isolationism but is so much more than that. DT seems to be in payback mode for every person or entity that has slighted him over the course of the last twenty years. It is almost like Caligula has taken over as President.  
  

Trump is going off the deep end - Part 1

I follow some people who are keeping closer track of the federal government disaster than I do. Within the last 24 hours, DT has acted like a car salesman on the White House lawn, hawking his DOGE lackey Elon Musk's Tesla and promising him on camera that he would buy one. Apparently the press conference afterwards did not go well as reporters are asking him more pointed questions about the tanking stock market. Tesla stocks have dropped by half, and I am sure everyone's 401K's are tanking. 

Also, DT went off about Chuck Schumer in an antisemitic rant in front of the Irish Prime Minister at the White House this afternoon, apparently repeating, in front of a world leader, what he has said at some point in the past.

"US President Donald Trump called the minority leader of the US Senate, Chuck Schumer, "a Palestinian" during his meeting with Irish Prime Minister Micheál Martin on Wednesday at the White House.

Schumer is a Palestinian as far as I'm concerned. He's become a Palestinian. He used to be Jewish. He's not Jewish anymore. He's a Palestinian," Trump said."

Post-Pandemic Thoughts

 I realize that in my five year lapse from this blog I have never addressed the world-wide pandemic, which started around February/March of 2020. 

Katie and a handful of the nurses in MICU all got very sick in December of 2019. There was no testing done at that time to determine what flu-like illness they had. Katie, in retrospect, thinks they got coronavirus, as there were many foreign residents at the medical school in and out of MICU at the time. In February there were rumors of an illness spreading from China to the west coast of the US. Around mid-March the entire country, and eventually many places in the world, were on lock-down to try to prevent the spread of the coronavirus respiratory infection. The efficacy of masks was debated over and over and the Trump people disdained them and downplayed them. We didn't go out much - just for groceries. Grocery store shelves were cleaned out - with the supply of toilet paper being particularly hard hit.

The lock down continued through the spring and into the summer. Kids in the fall had school via computers. Businesses, especially restaurants, failed. Many many people were sick in the hospital and died in the first wave. A second wave hit in 2020 along with a different strain, producing even more death in the US and world-wide. We moved to our condo in September of 2020 and the moving guys all wore masks and we were very careful to wear them when they were present. Christmas of 2020 saw us exchanging gifts via a box handoff in our driveway and Facetime on our iPads. It was pretty depressing to say the least. 

In 2021 mask wearing continued. However, a vaccine and testing for the virus had been emerging. I believe we got our first vaccine in 2021. We had to schedule it online. Bob's friend Gary gave us a link and we were able to get one with caregivers, although we were berated by one of the people that we should not have had access. The vaccines were given at the Lucas Co. Recreation Center. I got kind of dizzy with the first shot, but never had any reactions to subsequent vaccinations. 

By 2022 things were starting to open up again, although people were wary. Over the course of 2022-2024, more vaccine boosters were available and the deaths dropped off, although the disease seemed to spike in the summer, unlike influenza, which seemed to occur mostly in the winter months. 

We got our first case in late August of 2023. Bob and I felt really lousy and Bob had a cough that lasted into November. I ended up with a sinus infection and went to the Urgent Care at our nearby Kroger. The CNP there was very good. She took a full history and ended up giving me antibiotics for my sinus infection, which helped in a day or so, and I recovered fully. 

The next time we got it was about ten days before Christmas of 2024. We felt crappy, but were caught up on all of our boosters and recovered uneventfully, although Bob had a cough that lasted into the new year.

Coronavirus is here to stay. It is constantly mutating and still causing hospitalizations and deaths, albeit in much lower numbers than before the vaccine came out. Health care workers, particularly doctors and nurses, were pushed to their limits during 2020 and 2021, and many nurses left the profession permanently. Hospitals ran out of ICU beds and respirators. President Biden had to play catch-up with the federal response to the pandemic and did much better than Trump did. There will be a lot of historical papers written about the pandemic someday.

The bird flu is now rearing its ugly head in 2025 and it is scaring epidemiologists a lot. So far there has been limited transmission to humans, mostly through close contact with birds (poultry being predominant). Many chickens have been slaughtered to stop the spread. Not sure where this will all end up. Stay tuned. 

Memories of my own grief

I was struck with the realization that Bob's daughter Rachel is about the age that I was when dad died on July 25, 1969. I was 20. She was with her mom at Cleveland Clinic the whole time during Bob's second hospitalization, and had to endure the downward spiral that became his life in his last days. 

I found dad lifeless in his bed at Maumee Valley Hospital on that Friday evening of the 25th. I knew from one look at him that he had passed on. I consider that to be the day I became an adult and in charge of my life. My Uncle Fred, dad's only sibling, was his executor. I called Fred and insisted that there be an autopsy so I would know what happened. We later found out he had a massive stroke, probably alcohol induced. I didn't cry for two weeks as I was, in retrospect, in shock. I remember when I finally cried: it was two weeks later in my boyfriend Mike's car on the way back from Celina, OH. I had gone to his house to stay for a week. I was looking out the car window and saw the stars. Dad loved to point out the constellations to me and those memories all came crashing down on me. I had been holding it together until then and the dam burst. I don't remember much else about the visit, other than being out in the country around the quiet farmland gave me a lot of peace at the time. 

Bob had micro brain bleeds that gave him stroke symptoms that put him in the hospital for the last time. My speculation is that he had discontinued his aspirin post-surgical protocol without a replacement anticoagulant but I am just guessing. He went back to UTMC and Bob and Jackie both decided that he be transferred back to Cleveland Clinic. From there it became ongoing treatment for micro brain bleeds, and difficulties in breathing, which resulted in his intubation during the last few days of his life. He was able to communicate by moving his foot in response to questions but could no longer speak. Just typing that sentence brings on an overwhelming sense of grief over Bob's last days on earth - ones that I wouldn't wish on anyone. He coded twice on the evening of March 6, 2025 and was not able to be revived. Luke and Barb were en route to CC when Jackie called them with the devastating news. After a short recovery at one of the plazas, they continued on to CC to meet Jackie and say their goodbyes to Bob one last time. I cannot imagine the horrible grief my sister went through that night. 

My heart goes out to Jackie and the kids. They will relive nightmarish visions of Bob's last days for many years. They will eventually come to a restless peace with those but it will take a long time. I hope they can find peace.

Barb and Jackie find solace in their church and their faith. The hymns and music of Christianity, as well as the words of the prayers give me some peace if only for the litany they provide. I remain an Agnostic as I have not found any evidence that a god exists, although many people believe in one. I guess I may sort it out someday on my own death bed - or not. In the meantime, I will try to keep it together for my extended family. Katie is taking this hard. Alex and Oliver really didn't know Bob very well so they probably don't understand what we're going through, which is probably okay at this point. 

I am finding that, at least for now, this blog is helping me to sort out my thoughts. I've always felt more comfortable putting things on paper than speaking.  

Here is a link to Bob's obituary at Sujkowski Funeral Home.

https://tinyurl.com/3bzfae3b

Grief

Bob Hansen passed away today. I have still not come to terms with the fact that he is gone. We saw him Christmas Day at Barb's and he was fine - his dubiously jovial self. I am increasingly coming to grips with the fact that we are not here forever. I have no desire to have anyone perform CPR on me. Apparently they worked on him twice for extended periods. It was ugly. 

I talked with Barb, Missy, Linda G____, and Katie at length today. Linda, of course, is the most pragmatic. Her mother always told her that we are merely specks of sand in life. It is true. In the grand scheme of things we only really matter to a small group of people. That group, however, sustains those who are left behind.

No plans have yet been made. Barb's family is all heading over to Jackie's house this evening. I don't feel like doing much but reflecting about everything. 

This event makes the mess that now is the United States shrink into the background, at least for awhile. I restarted my antidepressant and it will help me to get through the next few days, I believe. 

I have nothing more to say at the moment. The family is no longer whole. There is a piece missing. That piece will always be missing from now on.

Added on 3/10/25: Katie wrote this message on Facebook when she posted Bob's obituary. I think it's a wonderful and accurate description. Bob used to babysit his sisters in the 1980's and early 90's and she was just a kid, so this is written from her perspective at the time. 

"This wasn’t supposed to happen. This is so unfair and tragic. I’ll always remember Bob when I was little seeming larger than a giant, and as surly as a pirate. We were always in awe of him and sometimes downright intimidated lol! His sense of humor was like none other and he always had a smart ass comment to everything. He was super sweet really, he just always had a crunchy outer layer- but that’s exactly what we loved about him. It will never be the same without him: RIP cousin, you sure will be missed."
tinyurl.com/3bzfae3b 

Thoughts in 2019

I have rediscovered my blog, set up many years ago for the purpose of informing my grandchildren something about their history and my state of mind over the years.

My mother passed away Friday, March 24, 2017. Her last six months on earth were spent in Hospice care at the nursing home. She only left her bed twice in that period of time. She pretty much quit eating and became skeletal. Five days before she passed away she was awake but unaware. I had to put squares of Hershey bars on her tongue. She was no longer able to pick them up to eat them. I last visited her the evening of Thursday, March 23 with Bob, Katie, and Jeanette. We talked among ourselves. She was seemingly unaware of our presence. Barb and Carol visited Friday evening. They left about 7:30 p.m. The nursing home called me about 8:30 p.m. to tell me she had passed. I truly believe she waited to go until each of us made one last visit.

We had a memorial service at Barb's church the following weekend. It was nice. In 2018 I decided that her ashes needed to be buried near her parents at Ottawa Hills Memorial Park. We used the balance of the money in her account to get a marker. We had a small get together at the Oliver House in October.

My life has become more "normal" again. The stresses of dealing with all of it gradually melted away. I did not realize, except in hindsight, how much the anxieties were effecting me. In hindsight, we probably should have moved her into a different nursing home somewhere along the way, but she was insistent on staying there, and we honored her choice, even though some of the caregivers were not the best. My mother was not an easy person to deal with on a daily basis. She yelled and screamed at them, many more times than I was aware of until after she died. I hope I do not do the same.

Oliver is 12 years old and is now attending Toledo Technical Academy. He hit a rough patch with math during the third quarter but I have faith that he can remedy this. Miles is doing well in school and seems to have a taste for extremely spicy food recently. I have no doubt that this will continue.

I am one year out from my encounter with Influenza A that put me in the hospital with encephalopathy. After two weeks of fevers and coughing I became confused to the point that Bob and Katie thought I had a stroke. I ended up in UTMC and they had me on stroke protocol until they ruled that out. The next couple of days are a blur. It actually was not unpleasant to have everything pretty much blotted out. The biggest pain was having to get up to go to the bathroom, which seemed unduly complicated and seemed to take forever. I spent most of the five days in MICU dozing off, and the next couple of weeks at home doing the same thing. Influenza is a nasty illness I do not wish on anyone, and I have no wish to repeat it.

I am putzing around with selling items on eBay and baking bread. On the plus side I am about 15 pounds lighter than I was before I got the flu. I lost ten pounds during the illness and have never regained it. I started Invisalign braces in September of 2018 and am on the last set of liners. They have curbed my appetite to the point that I really do not enjoy eating all that much. I have mixed feelings about whether I want this to continue once I am done with the braces. I really do NOT want to regain the weight, but I really would like to enjoy salads and fresh vegetables again. My bite is not quite right and the dentist has promised me that they would see what they could do after I am done with this last set of liners. We shall see what happens, I guess.

There is not much more to report. Bob and I lead a fairly boring life. The politics of the Trump administration are so upsetting on a daily basis that it is not worth going into here. I try to disassociate myself from it but I debate how much I can let into my life in order to keep knowledgeable vs. not wanting to know anything about what is going on. There is a balance there somewhere but I have yet to find it.

Perhaps I will keep this blog more current in the future. Time will tell. Blogging has kind of fallen off the radar with the advent of Facebook and other social media. I have no idea whether anyone other than me will ever read a word of this.

Dementia

Enrolled mom in a study to help her memory. Talked to the researcher yesterday and it seems okay to proceed, as it will give her something to do. 

What surprised me was that she has been evaluated on the GDS-FAST (Global Deterioration Scale - Functional Assessment Staging) and she is at a 3.8 level. A "3" is "Early confusional/incipient dementia of Alzheimer's type) and a "4" is "Late Confusional/Mild DAT." This includes memory deficit (which she is definitely showing) and decreased deficit in memory of one's personal history; decreased ability to travel, and needing assistance in complex tasks (which has been going on for quite awhile). She is also showing some of the things in level 5 (patient can no longer survive without assistance, unable to recall a major relevant aspect of their current lives; some disorientation to time and place or able to retain knowledge of major facts regarding themselves and others (this is spotty). She can definitely choose her own clothing, though :-), so we're not quite to the end of level 5.

I have never thought of my mother as having dementia. I have always assumed that dementia is a blatant event that hits you between the eyes - where the person is definitely unknowing. It is obviously a lot more sneaky in its presentation. There is a strong family history of dementia on Grandpa G's side, with her great aunt and uncles experiencing it, along with her grandmother. The stories that have been passed down to me, however, paint the relatives as being totally out of it and being a lot more mean. Hopefully the mean side will hold off. It shows up every now and then and I can talk her down out of it. 

My uncle passed away today (mom's sister's husband). I'm not sure what exactly happened. Death is striking closer to home with each month's passage.

On a high note, we are going on vacation week after next. It's the first time since 2005 since the two of us have gone anywhere out of town together. Damned job has finally been put on the back burner. Hope nothing occurs to mess this up.

Moving Great-Grandma

My mom, your great grandmother, got sick in February, 2011. She had a clot on her right lung. She has been frail for the last two years. She entered the rehab unit at a nice local nursing home. Unfortunately, she has to stay there full time now, as my sister, your great aunt, and I can no longer trust that she will be okay living alone.

It has been very difficult for the two of us to watch my mom get weaker and weaker over the last ten years. She was fiercely independent once she learned to drive in 1962. After she and my dad, your great grandfather, were divorced in 1966, she drove all over the northeast with one of her jobs selling recipe books to small town organizations. She enjoyed her freedom and loved to drive. Mom was a good driver and never had an accident that I remember. She would pick up little things for her grandkids on her travels (including lots of candy) and she seemed to enjoy herself immensely.

In 1977 she moved back to this area and went to work for a large local grocery store chain in their corporate offices. I think she enjoyed the DSD department (direct store delivery) more than she would let on, as she got to meet many of the vendors. She came home with Coke glasses, ice cream, Pepsi trays, and Keebler cookie jars. She retired in 1986, but went on to do price checking for them on a part time basis until the early 90's, when she could no longer manage the walking due to her arthritis.

Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with Type II diabetes in 1995. This was a particularly bad year for our family, as mom was sick and your grandpa's mother had a stroke that landed her in a nursing facility. Mom's health, while never robust, started to slowly get worse. In 2000, her landlord sold her duplex and I scrambled to find her somewhere to live that was affordable. The Lakewoods had just opened in the old Maumee Valley Hospital building. It had been completely renovated after standing empty for 20 years. The rent was a bit steep but we figured out how to help her out financially and she moved in the first week in October, 2000.

The stress of the move put her in the hospital with a serious urinary tract infection and she started her first rehab stay over Christmas that year. After about three weeks she came home to her apartment.

She was walking with a cane for awhile, then a walker. She was able to shop for groceries until about five years ago or so, when she just couldn't make it through the store. She ended up seeing doctors more often. Her glucose levels were pretty stable, but the disease was starting to take its toll.

In 2008 one of her best friends died. I think that had a devastating effect on her health. She broke out in shingles, and then, a month or so later, ended up in the hospital (again) with an attack of ischemic bowel. The prep for the diagnosis wiped her out, and she went home exhausted that May. I was staying overnight with her the first night, when she got up out of her chair, lost her balance, and fell backwards and hit her head on the wall. She seemed all right at the time (nothing broken).

In late July, she started saying some odd things and became disoriented. I called her doctor and they advised taking her to the ER for CT scanning. She had had a slow brain bleed, to the point that she ended up with a 6 mm midline shift. After a 5 day stay in ICU to wean her off of aspirin therapy she underwent surgery to relieve the pressure in her brain. She got through the surgery pretty well and went to the rehab unit. Less than a week after she got to rehab, she became unable to speak or write so that anyone could understand her. She ended up with another surgery to remove another clot. I was never so happy to hear anyone talk again - it was one of the most remarkable experiences of my life.

Since the surgeries in 2008, she has gone through more anguish. A malignant growth was removed from her larynx in October, 2009. It was "only" outpatient surgery; however, the anesthesia caused her to get sick and dehydrated, which caused another urinary tract infection, another hospital stay, and a month in rehab. Remarkably, she was able to go home after that stay right before Thanksgiving of 2009. At Christmas of that year she fell again. While nothing got broken, the fall did something to her leg that made it painful for her to walk very far.

She has had home health aides help her for two hours every day since July of 2008. I truly believe that enabled her to stay at home for as long as she did. Unfortunately, the program (run by the state) is in the line of sight to be cut from the state budget. This will be a sad thing for all of the people who are able to stay in their homes only because of its existence.

While 2010 was uneventful health-wise, mom became very immobile. We noticed that her walking was shakier and we fielded a handful of calls from her on Lifeline. We were both having a lot of doubts as to her ability to stay by herself, but she was adamant that she was okay. Unfortunately, it became wishful thinking.

Right now she is doing pretty well. There has been no recurrence of the malignancy, she is eating three meals a day, getting dressed every day, and tooling around with her feet while sitting in a wheel chair. We took some of her photos, greeting cards, and things out to her to go through and she has started delving into things that have been put away for years.

I am very thankful that my mom is able to be in a nice facility and have people take care of her. I was scared to death she would fall at home when she was alone. It has been hard on her to leave her apartment but, surprisingly, not as hard as when she was in rehab the last time. She absolutely did NOT want to stay there permanently last time, even though they offered to let her remain. She seems more accepting of the fact that she needs more help. She will be 90 in October. I still do not think of my mother as being this old.

Barb and I spent about ten days sorting through all of her things - organizing and reorganizing to keep the things she really wanted to keep. Her furniture has gone to family members, so I am pleased about that.

One of the social workers at the nursing home emphasized a point that had never occurred to me, the medical "handler" for the prescriptions, the crises, the doctor's visit: if she stayed at the home permanently, her daughters could then become her daughters again. I had looked at my mother as a problem to be solved. A lot of those feelings are now going away, and I am anxious to be a daughter again.

Being old is not for the faint of heart. I can only hope that I have as much courage and stamina as my mother. When you boys get old enough to read this and understand it I will probably be in my 70's. I hope I will still be here and in good health. This has been a life changing experience for all of us.